10.26.2012

Insecurities

I'd like to write a really happy, funny blog post right now, but I'm afraid I can't. 
I've been finding things hard recently. College work was piled on top of me so I had no spare time in the evenings to do anything. I haven't been sleeping well and have been getting headaches most days. I haven't had time to plan my novel for NaNoWriMo, or to blog.

In fact, part of me just didn't want to blog. I love my followers so much- you guys are brilliant, but I'm going to admit that I'm struggling at the moment. I log into blogger and see posts filled with perfect dslr photos and wonderful words and I feel so discouraged. 
Because I want to be like them. 
I want to be a great photographer. I want to be an amazing writer and a whimsical thinker. I want to have a large following. I want to be funny and chatty, but deep and reflective, modern and vibrant, but vintage and creative.
But, clearly that's not who I am. 
I'm me; Kimmy. 
I'm a girl who's still trying to find her writing style. A girl who writes random pieces, rather than amazing novels. I'm not particularly funny and I'm not a hugely deep thinker. I'm most definitely not hipster, but I'm not particularly 'In the moment' either. I'm a good listener and try to help others. I have a heart for the hurting. I'm insecure at times and worry what other's think of me too much. I'm shy and somewhat socially-awkward but not in the cute Jess-off-New-Girl way. I have big dreams but rarely tell others of them. I cry over stupid things and let people get to me.

I have insecurities and difficulties,
But I carry on. And that's what matters, I guess.

I just need to keep this verse in my heart at the moment:

Psalm 139:14-16 ESV / 298 helpful votes

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.


Kimmy x

Happy post soon, I promise! 


9 comments:

Jessica said...

I am thankful that you chose to post this. It is such an honest post, and I can relate to it so much. I have a lot of insecurities as well...Several of the same ones you listed! But keep your head up...and keep carrying on. :) I love reading your blog!

Kimmy said...

Thank you, I just felt like being completely honest about what I'm feeling! And it's nice to know I'm not alone in this :) Thank you- I will! :)
Kimmy x

Leanna Kay said...

It's hard not to compare yourself with other bloggers. You're not alone! I've been struggling with very similar insecurities. Thank you for being so honest, I needed to read this. You're awesome.

-Leanna

Kimmy said...

Thank you! Yeah it's hard, but it's nice to feel that I'm not alone :) And thank you, you are awesome too :)
Kimmy x

Griffinclaw said...

Aw, I can totally relate darling. Just be who you are and love who you are. we all face times in our lives where we just don't know what to do, or if we're doing enough and compare ourselves to others. Goodness knows I've done so many times.

But just know we all love ya, and think you're amazing just the way you are! <3 And just remember that Heavenly Father loves you as well. Things will always turn out alright. You're not alone. :) Take your time and do what you need to.

Sending lots of love from here in the states.

Your friend, Lexie

Kimmy said...

Thank you Lexie, that seriously made me smile! :) You have such a wonderful heart :) It's so encouraging to hear from you all!

I will remember :) Thank you x

Kimmy x

Joanna said...

Hi Kimmy,
Your post is just epic. (I have been reading all your posts for the last few days, I found out about your blog on the Laura Thomas Jr. Authors communication page) I can relate to what you wrote it was really helpful!

Kimmy said...

Thank you! I had to re-read it to remember what I wrote! Ahhh! That's so cool! I'm glad it was hhelpful! :) I love your poems!
Kimmy x

Joanna said...

Thanks so much:)
Joanna